I had a feeling for a little while that I wanted to quit playing Ogame, but I wasn’t able to do so until I was able to identify exactly what it was that bothered me. At last, however, I was able to pinpoint it: real success requires you to mold your schedule around the game. I have a word for activities that require specific constraints on my time. It’s called “work,” and I expect them to pay ME and not the other way around. As a final “fuck you”, I put myself in vacation mode to deny other players the pleasure of looting my abandoned planets. I felt like I had brought passive aggression to the game, and that was kind of satisfying.

My continued PS3 use has opened the door for me to a world of really special screwing by Sony. In a way, I sort of admire them for it. Whereas when a company like EA dicks me, for example, I feel like it was merely the result of bad management, sloppy execution, and a general disinterest in their customer experience, Sony makes me feel like someone sat down and took the time to lovingly and carefully really put the screws to me individually. I mean, I’m not naive: I know that they have a lot of other customers they’re fucking, too, but I still can’t shake the feeling that I’m special to them.

Now, I wasn’t personally affected by having my multi-hundred dollar device bricked by an official firmware update, though I appreciate the irony. I’m not too miffed by their half-assed new XMB, which provides you the full list of dashboard XMB options even though you’re not allowed to access most of them from within a game. I’m not even terribly upset about how the highly touted new trophy system is essentially incompatible with their entire existing library. For me, the special treatment begins at a much earlier point: the remote control.

One of the biggest selling points on the PS3 has always been its capability as a Blu-ray player, which is in turn supposed to be the new king of HD media. One could infer then that they might want adoption from high-end A/V enthusiasts… you know, the sorts of people who dump thousands of dollars into home theater setups. So I was a little shocked upon purchasing the damn thing to discover that it doesn’t have an infrared port. This means that you can’t use any existing remote controls to control it, including the universal remotes that the aforementioned home theater enthusiasts all have. Your only option to control is a Bluetooth remote, and I’ll give you three guesses which is the only company that happens to manufacture one of those. It is, predictably, a terrible device lacking in backlighting or any other such modern amenity.

There’s a third party solution, of course. IR2BT is an apparently one-man operation that sells $50 devices that convert IR signals to the Bluetooth signal used by the PS3. Word on the Interweb-equivalent of the streets is that it’s a really easy, elegant solution… or at least it was, until last week’s 2.40 firmware update broke it. Ha ha! Oh, Sony. You guys are the best. In all seriousness, though, the most recent devices for sale have been updated to work with the latest firmware, and the proprietor promises to work out some sort of return/upgrade process for existing users. It’s something I intend to check out myself, once they’ve worked through their massive order backlog.

On a related note, however, Planet Earth in 1080p is really amazing. It’s the only time in my life I’ve ever had the opportunity to say “Wow! That’s the most wildebeests I’ve ever seen.”

This is the greatest thing I’ve read in quite awhile. While it’s important to note that this is just a recommendation by the overseeing judge and not anything final, things don’t look good for JT. Still, I can’t help it. Sometimes it’s just really funny when bad things happen to bad people.

Thanks as always to GamePolitics.

The Florida Bar has recommended disbarment for a period of ten (10) years. This Court respectfully declines to follow the Bar’s recommendation… This case involves factual findings of cumulative misconduct, a repeated pattern of behavior relentlessly forced upon numerous unconnected individuals, a total lack of remorse or even slight acknowledgement of inappropriate conduct…

Additionally, the Court is taking into consideration a review of the Respondent’s conduct not only as proven by the evidence, but by what this Court has witnessed of the Respondent’s behavior throughout the eighteen (18) months of litigation. The undersigned finds no evidence whatsoever to indicate that the Respondent is amenable to rehabilitation, or even remotely appreciates the basis upon which a need or purpose for such rehabilitation is warranted…

Over a very extended period of time involving a number of totally unrelated cases and individuals, the Respondent has demonstrated a pattern of conduct to strike out harshly, extensively, repeatedly and willfully to simply try to bring as much difficulty, distraction and anguish to those he considers in opposition to his causes. He does not proceed within the guidelines of appropriate professional behavior, but rather uses other means available to intimidate, harass, or bring public disrepute to those whom he perceives oppose him.

Thus, after careful consideration of the underlying facts in the instant cases, together with the Florida Standards for Imposing Lawyer Sanctions, the applicable aggravating and mitigating factors and the precedent case law, this Court makes the following recommendations for John Bruce Thompson:

A. Permanent disbarment, with no leave to reapply for admission.
B. Disciplinary costs currently totaling $43,675.35.

Seriously, how can a publisher like Gamecock that wants people to believe it’s edgy and hip put out a TV spot as toothless and stupid as this piece of crap? That these guys interrupted Ken Levine at the Spike Video Game Awards is even more offensive now. It’s like Mozart being interrupted by the guy who wrote the theme music for Walker, Texas Ranger.

Being a fan of games (well, stimulation in general) and being occasionally a little too stupid for my own good, I recently allowed my friends to convince me to try out a web-based game called Ogame. It’s a space strategy game that happens in a sort of psuedo-realtime where your issued orders take anywhere from minutes to days to complete. Now, the potentially devastating side-effects of this game are probably not immediately apparent from this description, much as I was unaware when I started. You see, since your various actions are completing throughout the day it behooves you to check in regularly, and since it’s web-based it means that I can play from work. Now, of course, the sinister possibilities begin to reveal themselves.

Gameplay-wise the game lies somewhere between a space 4X and an MMOG. Most of the 4X basics are there — building facilities on planets, researching new tech, colonizing planets, and assembling armadas to ruin someone elses day — but all of the enemies are other humans. There’s another interesting aspect that I almost didn’t notice at first: There’s no real graphical representation in the game. Everything you do from colonizing to perusing the galaxy is done via tables ‘n’ text.

Actually, the interface has some significant shortcomings BY DESIGN. For example, you can’t queue up buildings like you’d normally expect, unless you actually want to pay for an upgrade. The base game itself is free to play, but there are a number of special commanders who can be rented with “Dark Matter”, a substance whose accrual is tied directly to your wallet. Among the features these special commanders give you are faster resource gathering, bonuses to combat, and even an improved UI in certain screens. It’s an interesting business model, and since there’s basically nothing else to do than build ships and go fuck with other people it ties directly into the griefer’s need to get every possible advantage over their poor, unsuspecting targets.

Apparently the new 2.40 firmware for the PS3 is supposed to include support for in-game XMB and possibly gamercards, bringing it closer in line with the features my Xbox 360 had two and a half years ago. Somehow, I actually feel excitement… mixed in with disgust, of course. It’s an interesting position for me to be in. On the one hand, I spent $400 on a console with only one game I really want to play and lacking features I’d otherwise come to take for granted. On the other hand, Planet Earth looks fucking fantastic in HD.

I’ve been weak.

I won’t waste your time with excuses. I knew what I was doing. I knew it was a bad idea, and I did it anyway. In some ways, I did it because I knew it was a bad idea. Sometimes when you’re feeling down and out, the situation calls for a little self-flagellation and that’s all there is to it.

I bought a PlayStation 3.

There are a variety of reasons why I did it, of course. The demise of the HD-DVD platform had left me without a viable high definition movie format, and I was concerned about my p’s, for example. I wasn’t sure how many p’s I’d need to be happy, but I felt confident 480 p’s was not enough. Will 720 of them satiate me? Only time will tell.

There’s also the Metal Gear Solid issue. I loved the first MGS, felt insulted by the second, and was too turned off by that experience to even touch the third. But despite the craziness, I wanted to know what the hell it was that everyone else was seeing that I had missed out on. I wanted to know if there truly was some kind of masterpiece; a milestone in gaming that lurked just beyond my stubborn grasp.

There’s a significant number of things in this game that baffle me outright. The controls are complex enough that I feel like I’m fumbling with an awkwardteenage lover, and the combats which I frequently feel forced into are just simply not any fun. There’s also the issue of the overly Japanese story. For example: Pretty much all of the protagonists are utter dicks to a little girl who keeps trying to make them eggs. There’s also a supporting character who literally can’t stop shitting himself. These aren’t the sorts of things that I see and immediately think “masterpiece.”

This is not to say that I am deprived of pleasure from the game, but I feel like I’m working pretty hard for it. There are some really excellent aspects to gameplay and occasionally moments of really inspired brilliance, but the next minute I’m watching a cutscene of a guy SHITTING HIMSELF. I’ve started taking Khoo’s advice by allowing myself access only to the tranquilizer gun most of the time, and so far it’s been helping me feel a little better but not enough for me to describe the game as “blooming.” I’m going to keep trying, though.

I was digging through some old emails and found the original design Kiko did for this site back in 2001. The site has been through so many different modifications to the design and back-end that I’d forgotten what a ridiculously beautiful work of art it used to be, and how badly I’ve managed to mangle things since then. I’ve started a new project to make a new Wordpress theme that incorporates as much of Kiko’s original design as I can muster. I can’t say how long it will take me to complete, but I’m excited to see what results I can muster.